Venting

Bleah. My mom is difficult.

She asked me to help dad fill out some medical paperwork today. His shoulder was killing him, so he went to the doctor who referred him to physical therapy. The two offices are next to each other, so he walked next door, got an appointment scheduled and got some paperwork to bring with him. Dad is functionally illiterate. He can’t fill out the forms. Mom did that for him, but she can’t write anymore and communicating to dad what he needs to put in is too hard for her.

So I went through the forms, asked dad the questions, and filled in for him. One set of questions is for family history of illnesses. So for each of them I asked dad if anyone had the illnesses. Dad has eight siblings I think. And his memory for details isn’t the best. On cancer, he knew his mom had breast cancer. But he didn’t remember a sister had it. Or something like that. Mom threw a hissy fit because she remembered and we hadn’t filled out the form correctly. And we didn’t put down the multi-vitamin dad takes under medications. If it is 100% accurate, what’s the point?

When unhooking the feeding tube, the plug popped out and some water with a bit of formula spilled out all over the side of mom’s leg and onto the blanket and chair. Maybe a quarter cup before dad got the plug back in. Dad tried to take mom into the bedroom to get a clean pair of pants on her before he put the blanket in the wash and put a clean one on the chair. Mom threw another hissy fit because she wanted the blanket done first and wanted dad to sponge off the chair which got just a bit on it. By the time mom could get off the chair, the little bit was already soaked in. So no real point.

Mom also doesn’t want to go through an agency to hire CNA help. She figures that the best people aren’t with an agency because agencies take a cut. WHich may be true. But there’s no way I am calling 100 different people from a list of independents. If there is someone recommended, I will call them. But I have no way to vet a large list.

My broker recommended an investment strategy for my mom that lets her estate basically get free money when she dies. Mom likes it. But rather than have my broker handle it, mom wants me to open an account with a discount brokerage and do all of it myself. I know the basics of the strategy, and can probably do it. But I haven’t done it before and have to muddle my way through all the details.

It’s hard enough to do take care of all the things I do take care of. Having her argue with everything and want to do everything the difficult way is getting really tough. I’m burnt out, and the really hard part of her illness is just starting.